How Do I Survive the Holidays with Family?
Holidays can bring out the best and the worst in family dynamics. I often have people wonder how they can both love and cherish their family while also feeling stressed, anxious and overwhelmed by the idea of spending extended amounts of time with them.
Family, Holidays and Politics
What is worse than soured egg nogged? Family, holidays and politics! This combination has always been difficult to manage. However, in recent years it seems to be a source of great distress for people regardless of their views.
People often ask me how to manage family events when family members don’t agree politically. There are plenty of articles now to guide people on how to navigate these conversations. These can be helpful guides and resources if you are mentally and emotionally prepared for them. What if these conversations feel like too much to manage, though?
So how do you handle holiday stress, family stress and political stress?
Here are a few suggestions:
Know your limits and create boundaries:
We all have a breaking point where stress and anxiety become too much to handle. For some people this can lead to panic attacks. For others, it may be an irritable outburst, or an inability to stop crying. Some people just shut down.
Before the holidays take some time to reflect. When and where have you met your breaking point in the past? What were the circumstances? What was the outcome? Was there a missed opportunity to politely bow out, take a break or communicate a boundary?
A stressful situation with family this holiday season
If you are anticipating a stressful situation with family this year, think through how you might create some space for yourself. This can mean taking actual space like a preplanned walk. This can also mean internal space. Don’t engage in conversations that you know might trigger your breaking point. If your desire to stay out of hostile conversations is not respected, you may have to set some clear external boundaries with family. Let them know your limits up front.
“I am happy we can be together for the holiday, and I want us all to have a good time. Can we agree that certain topics are off limits during this time? I know I don’t have the energy to manage those topics right now. I hope you can respect that. As for me, if these topics do come up, I will be taking a break and going for a walk to keep myself from getting overwhelmed. I just want everyone to know this upfront, so no one is offended. Thanks for hearing me out.”
What if I am afraid to set boundaries with my family?
It may be time for some help from a mental health professional if creating boundaries feels scary or impossible. Creating boundaries is sometimes easier said than done. The very idea of creating boundaries can cause some people a lot of distress. Concerns around abandonment, self-worth and past experiences can all get in the way of creating healthy boundaries. These issues are worth processing. Please reach out if you are struggling with the idea of family, holidays, difficult conversations or creating boundaries. I help people figure out what is getting in the way and how to practically navigate the situation so that holidays and family can be a time for joy and peace.
Find out more about me and the therapies I use at:
www. AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com
Or reach out for a complimentary 15 minute phone or zoom consultation:
Andrea@AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com
720-336-9454