After collective traumas such as school shootings, pandemics, or natural disasters there seems to be a lot of information about how to help kids. While it is a very important to be there for our kids it is also important to notice how we talk to and show up for ourselves.
When I saw the news about the most recent school shooting, I cried. I also found myself going down the rabbit hole of catastrophic thinking. What if this happened to someone I love, or me? The world is just a terrible, hopeless place, I thought. Frankly, it is very difficult not going to those dark places.
So, what do we do when we encounter these events?
1. How we show up for ourselves can make a difference. Crying, or some other emotional release can be a good start sometimes. These are terrible events that warrant an emotional reaction. So, just as you would validate the feelings your children have about these types of events, tell yourself it is ok to be sad or mad or scared.
2. After I had my cry and began noticing my thoughts run away from me, I took a deep breath. I also recognized for myself that I was having significant anxiety in that moment. Excessive worry, catastrophic thinking and black and white thinking are all good signs that we are experiencing anxiety. By reminding yourself that this is what is happening to you, you can take some of the power away from it.
3. Next, I prayed. For me, this is a good way to release the burden of anxiety. For you, this may look different but with similar results. Meditation can also be a good release. I like using a mantra such as “I am ok, right here, right now.”
4. My next step will be to take action. This will also look different for everyone. Some people find volunteering helpful and for others it might be writing their legislature or working on a campaign. Taking action can be helpful when we feel hopeless. Empowering ourselves, even in small ways, can help.
Notice for yourself right now where your mind is going. Are you skeptical? Are you saying “That all sounds nice, but… (whatever anxious thought comes to mind).” Validate that response and name it. It makes sense to have an emotional reaction, and it is also helpful to notice if your thinking is becoming consumed by anxiety.
It is also worth noting that these are traumatic experiences for all of us. Trauma can also come with a variety of responses such as hypervigilance, trouble sleeping, or an inability to stop thinking about the event. If you are having any of these experiences, validate your trauma and consider talking with a professional.
I have worked with many people around collective traumas such as the pandemic or violent events. I often utilize EMDR therapy to help people overcome their trauma. For more information about my work and EMDR therapy please visit my website at www.AndreaHarbeckTherapy.com